Bertolt Brecht (1898 - 1956)
They were there for breakfast, and they were there to cheer New York Jets running back Curtis Martin. And it was Martin who received the Athletes in Action Barr Starr Award Saturday morning. But the hundreds of people who gathered in the fourth floor ballroom at the Marriott Renaissance in Detroit, Michigan on the morning before Super Bowl XL were clearly touched by the featured speaker.
That speaker was the Colts Head Coach, Tony Dungy.
Two hours in to the breakfast, emcee Brent Jones introduced Dungy, who was welcomed with a lengthy standing ovation. Dungy thanked the crowd, then adding with a laugh, “I just wish I wasn’t here in this capacity so many times of being just that close to being in the game and just being invited as a speaker. My goal is to have our team here one day and have a couple of tables with all of our guys here. Because we have a special group of young men, a great group of Christian guys. It would be wonderful to have them here so you could see their hearts and what they are all about.”
“It hasn’t quite happened yet. But we are still hoping one day it will.” He told them he was going to talk about lessons he had learned from his 3 sons. The crowd fell silent. Then Dungy spoke.
Although this was a breakfast-and although at many such events speakers speak over the clinking of glasses and murmurs from semi-interested listeners, for most of 15 minutes the room was silent except for Dungy’s voice.
He spoke of his middle son, Eric, who he said shares his competitiveness and who is focused on sports “To where it is almost a problem.” He spoke of his youngest son, Jordan, who has a rare congenital condition which causes him not to feel pain. “He feels things, but he does not get the sensation of pain.”
The lessons learned from Jordan, Tony Dungy said, are in many. “That sounds like it’s good at the beginning, but I promise you its not, we have learned a lot about pain in the last five years we have had Jordan. We have learned some hurts are really necessary for kids. Pain is necessary for kids to find out the difference between what is good and what’s harmful.”
Jordan, Dungy said, loves cookies. “Cookies are good, but in Jordan’s mind, if they are not good out on the plate, they are even better in the oven. He will go right to the oven when my wife’s not looking, reach right in, take the rack out, take the pan off the rack, burn his hands and eat the cookies and burn his tongue and never feel it. He does not know it is bad for him.”
“Jordan has no fear of anything, so we constantly have to watch him,” Dungy said, “The lesson learned is simple. You get the question all the time., ‘Why does the Lord allow pain in your life? Why do bad things happen to good people? If God is a God of love, why does he allow these hurtful things to happen?’
“We’ve learned that a lot of times because of pain, that little temporary pain, you learn what’s harmful. You learn to fear the right things. Pain sometimes lets us know we have a condition that needs to be healed. Pain inside sometimes lets us know that spiritually we are not quite right and we need to be healed and that God will send that healing agent right to the spot. Sometimes, pain is the only way that will turn us kids back to the Father.”
Finally…he spoke of his son James.
James Dungy, Tony Dungy’s oldest son, committed suicide three days before Christmas of 2005. As he did while delivering James’ eulogy in December, Dungy spoke of him eloquently and steadily, speaking of lessons learned and of the positives taken from the experience.
“It was tough, and it was very painful, but as painful as it was, there were some good things that came out of it.”
Dungy spoke at the funeral of regretting not hugging James the last time he saw him, on Thanksgiving of last year. “I met a guy the next day after the funeral,” Dungy said. “He said, ‘I was there. I heard you talking. I took off work today. I called my son. I told him I was taking him to the movies. We’re going to spend some time and go to dinner.’ That was a real, real blessing to me.”
Dungy said he has gotten many letters since James’ death relaying similar messages. “People heard what I said and said, ‘hey, you brought me a little close to my son,’ or, ‘you brought me a little closer to my daughter.’ “What a tremendous blessing.”
Dungy also said some of the James’ organs were donated through donor programs. “We got a letter back two weeks ago that two people had received his corneas, and now they can see, that’s been a tremendous blessing.”
Tony spoke of a letter he received from a girl that attends the family’s church in Tampa. She had known of James for many years. She went to the funeral because she knew James.
“When I saw what happened at the funeral, and your family and the celebration and how it was handled, that was the first time I realized there had to be a God. I accepted Christ into my life and my life’s been different since that day.” Dungy said “That was an awesome blessing, so all of those things kind of made me realize what God’s love is all about.”
Dungy was asked often how he was able to return to the Colts so quickly after a James’ death. James died on December 22nd, and Dungy returned to the team one week later. Dungy said the answer was simple. “People asked me, ‘How did you recover so quickly? I told them I am not totally recovered. I don’t know that I will ever be. It is still very, very painful, but I was able to come because of something one of my good Christian friends said to me after the funeral.” “He said, ‘You know James accepted Christ into his heart, so you know he’s in heaven, right?’ I said, ‘Right, I know that’ He said, ‘So, with all you know about heaven, if you had the power to bring him back now, would you?’ When I thought about it, I said, ‘No, I wouldn’t. I would not want him back with what I know about heaven.’
That’s what helped me through the grieving process. Because of Christ’s spirit in me, I had that confidence that James is there, at peace with the Lord, and I have the peace of mind in the midst of something that is very, very painful. That’s my prayer today, that everyone in this room would know the same.”
Written by John Oeshner. “NFL Insider”-Feb. 2006 at www.colts.com
This is a powerful message I received about the ex-football coach for the Tampa Bay Buccaneers and current Super Bowl Champion head coach for the Indianapolis Colts, Tony Dungy. He is an amazing man and a wonderful inspiration for our society. His view on death is very similar to mine. I have never been totally devastated by someone dying. I always ask myself, “Why am I sad? I am truly a believer, I should be rejoicing.” Now don’t get me wrong. Death is difficult but it is only difficult for selfish reasons. You will miss that person in your life because of how they are not there any longer. You are not rejoicing because they are finally free and home. It still hurts though because you know they are gone from your life forever. Bitter sweet.
You deserve the ring Tony! You are an
inspiration and icon for masculinity!!!
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