Can A Single Not Have A Date And Still Feel Love?

"Just because you love someone doesn't mean you have to be involved with them. Love is not a bandage to cover wounds."
Hugh Elliott

For in Christ Jesus...the only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love.
Galatians 5:6

I heard an awesome story the other day about a story in John C. Maxwell’s book- The 21 Indisputable Qualities of a Leader. It goes like this.
During the second half of the nineteenth century, two strong view for leadership of Great Britain’s government: William Gladstone and Benjamin Disraeli. The two politicians were intense rivals. You can detect how they felt about each other, based on a comment made by Disraeli: “The difference between a calamity and a misfortune? If Gladstone fell into the Thames River, it would be a misfortune. But if someone dragged him out again, it would be a calamity.”
Many people believe Gladstone, leader of the Liberal Party for three decades, personified the best qualities of Victorian England. A career public servant, he was a great orator, a master of finance, and a staunchly moral man. He was prime minister of the United Kingdom four different times, the only person in the nation’s history to achieve that honor. Under his leadership, Great Britain established a national education system, instituted parliamentary reform, and saw the vote given to a significant number of people in the working classes.
Benjamin Disraeli, who served twice as prime minister, had a different kind of background. In his thirties, he entered into politics and built a reputation as a diplomat and social reformer. But his greatest accomplishment was masterminding Great Britain’s purchase of shares in the Suez Canal.
Though both men accomplished much for Britain, what really separated them as leaders was their approach to people. The difference can be best illustrated by a story told by a young woman who dined with the two rival statesmen on consecutive nights. When asked her impression of them, she said “When I left the dining room after sitting next to Mr. Gladstone, I thought he was the cleverest man in all of England. After sitting next to Mr. Disraeli, I thought I was the cleverest woman in England.” Disraeli possessed a quality that drew people to him and made them want to follow him. He had charisma.
Maxwell explains that the key to charisma is other-centeredness, putting the other person first. That’s also the chief characteristic of agape, God’s kind of love.

This is a passage a senior pastor at my church wrote for his Valentine’ Day Sermon entitled Can A Single Not Have A Date And Still Feel Love?

I have tried judgment and I’ve tried forgiveness. Forgiveness is better but there’s a problem. I don’t get to decide what the other person’s penalty is. I don’t get to decide how long they suffer. I have to be open to loving them and spending time with them. They get a better deal than they deserve and sometimes that irritates me. It requires that I trust God with the outcome. I have to let go to do that and letting go puts my selfishness to death. I don’t like the personal pain.
There are advantages. God really is a better judge than me. He sees the big picture clearer than I do. When I forgive, He forgives me. When I release the judgment, I am released. But my selfishness has to die for me to do it and I don’t like the pain.
I have tried lust and I have tried purity. Purity is better but lust has its advantages. Doing something secret has a strong pull. If I could fly and there was a rule against flying, I would still be sorely tempted to fly. Ah, the thrill of flying. There’s a similar thrill to doing something and not getting caught. The high of secrecy.
Beyond that, lust involves theft. I take someone else’s beauty or privacy or intimacy even though it is not mine or it’s not God’s time. I justify it because it makes me feel good or it satisfies my curiosity or it makes me feel like a little God, writing my own rules, determining my own time table, doing my own thing! Sure, it’s selfish; it’s all about me. I if I can find another selfish, secretive person who’s willing to share the crime with me, it seems totally okay, at least for the moment.
The downside is guilt and stress and the fear of being caught or exposed. But purity tells me to wait and I don’t want to wait.
Purity is best. It’s honest. It’s “Walking in the light.” It’s guilt free. It develops my character. It builds a firm foundation. It pleases god. It produces fruit. It leaves a great heritage. And, it leads to the favor of God. In the end I find out that His timing is better than mine even though I didn’t believe that on the front end.
Jeremiah 2:13 says “My people have committed two sins: They have forsaken me, the spring of living water, and have dug cisterns, broken cisterns that can not hold water.”
The enemy says, “You know what you want. You know what you need. You have every right to go for it. Dig your own cistern, your own storage facility. Judge whoever you choose. Lust after whoever you please. Eat whatever satisfies you. Do it as often as you can get by with it. If you get caught, it was worth it. You only go around once; grab for all the gusto you can get!”
The Lord says, “I created you. I have a destiny for you. I will give you the wisdom and grace to fulfill it. I have sent the Holy Spirit to intercede for you. I will test you but only to develop your character and maturity. I will lead you through dark places. Remember, I will go with you. Your enemies will surround you but I will serve a lunch for you right in the middle of them.”
The Greeks called the two types of love Eros, sensual attraction, and agape, other-centered love. Eros offers guilt pleasure, short term satisfaction; yes, the bill comes due and it’s at a very high price. In addition, God resists us. We seek our own picture of destiny and it is characterized by one night stands, an alcoholic buzz, followed by a hangover, stolen pleasures, followed by painful consequences, life that hopefully ends on Earth we won’t be prepared for eternity.
Agape offers joy when I don’t feel happy, guilt-free living, eternal reward, and God’s favor. He unfolds our destiny. It is characterized by life long commitment, healthy living, walking in the light, and God’s blessing. That life does not end on Earth because it prepares you for eternity.
However, agape is tough love. It requires that I trust God, that I seek His wisdom, that I rely on the Holy Spirit, that I seek healing, that I forgive and be forgiven, and I develop patience.
What about the question, “Can a single feel love and not have a date?” It all depends. If your goal is selfish satisfaction, you probably need someone, a certain someone, to respond to what gives you pleasure, to speak your love language-gifts, quality time, physical touch, words of affirmation, or acts of service-or possibly, all five. Your strategy may be co-dependant, a willingness to satisfy the other person’s self-centered desires. It may be fantasy, a willingness to believe that whatever brings you pleasure is therefore okay.
If your goal is agape, you’ll ask God to direct you to love in ways that please Him and that fulfill your destiny on Earth. You will do this out of faith, a belief that He will reward you in His way and on His timetable. This is God’s promise. “Don’t grow weary in doing well. You will reap in due season if you don’t faint!” The harvest He promises might be gifts, quality time, intimacy, words of affirmation, or acts of service. It might be His smile of approval. It might be enrolling you in a curriculum that will develop your character. And all of this will sometimes feel good right away and sometimes later.