My King is Amazing! It has been just one of those bad months. I guess we all go through them right? Sometimes we just feel so alone out here don't we?
I came to San Antonio with high expectations of friends being strong commited christians and I was under the impression that they were on fire for Him. Maybe God is trying to once again have me depend on Him alone. But why?! Why would you not have mentors, role models and friends to walk with too? It is up to God and me I guess. Thank God for God sometimes. He never gives up on people. People give up just the very moment you needed them the most. Time to move on and find new hope in different people? I don't think so. This month of September has been a true test of prayer. No need to get into details. It has a lot to do with my family though. I feel like Jeremiah. His prayer is so perfect for me this month. Read below if you truly dare to see inside my feelings inside.
Jeremiah 20-
14 Cursed be the day I was born! May the day my mother bore me not be blessed!
15 Cursed be the man who brought my father the news, who made him very glad, saying, "A child is born to you—a son!"
16 May that man be like the towns the Lord overthrew without pity. May he hear wailing in the morning, a battle cry at noon.
17 For he did not kill me in the womb, with my mother as my grave, her womb enlarged forever.
18 Why did I ever come out of the womb to see trouble and sorrow and to end my days in shame?
Wow, now that is amazing how relveant it is. Can you imagine praying such a prayer. My closests friends know my birthday is the hardest time of my life. My loneliest time. I feel like my life should be so much further but yet I stay stuck in Shit somehow. I try to spend it with my closest friends but somehow each time, I feel like the ones who matter most are too busy. Well, not all of them so I don't want you to think nobody is there. But, how hard is a simple birthday call? For the longest time I never even sent cards or thank you notes to people. I sewed poor seeds then and am reaping it now, but I have since changed that because it is invaluable to me and wish to get more than the thought of wandering if anyone is going to even take the time to text. Nope. I need to give more though. Where do you want me lord?! Where am I supposed to be. This burden I carry is not lite and I know you said it should be. So, what am I doing wrong? What a prayer. To pray that the man who pulled you from the womb, who probably lit a cigar and popped the wine cork in celebration while shouting "It's a boy!" should be so cursed for it. Man, he must have had some serious strife in his life. Sometimes I feel the same way. Wondering what if I gave up and left this Earth, but knowing God has more for me. To never give up, but sometimes I feel so alone.
Psalm 46 says God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble! Refuge!!! It is said that God created 6 cities where men can find refuge in the event of anything. Say for instance you make a huge mistake and commit manslaughter accidentally. You could run to this city for refuge before the avenger comes for execution. If to be found guilty at which point then you would be handed over to the avenger but this refuge saved many men who were innocent. Thankfully God is our refuge from the storm. But its asking for his refuge. Like I said, in my past life has been difficult at times. This past week in fact has been one of the most difficult weeks I have faced in 2 years. But, we all have our problems and I should not expect the devil to ignore me right? But then I have a great King!
Enjoy this wonderful video for one of the greatest ever. Dr. S.M. Lockridge. I did a search to find out what the S.M stands for...Know what the SM stands for? Shadrach Meshach. Crazy his mom had such an insightful vision to name him that. He is said to be the "T.D. Jakes" of the 60's. Enjoy.
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