Have No Fear of Perfection-You'll Never Reach It

When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown-up we would no longer be vulnerable. But to grow up is to accept vulnerability…To be alive is to be vulnerable.

Madeleine L’Engle(1918- )




Life, what a crazy concept. Someone once said that “Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It’s the transition that is troublesome.” What a confusing space in time. My place on Planet Earth, wherever it leads me, has left me curious. I have realized this past week that perfection is something impossible to achieve. The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up on being perfect and beginning the work on becoming yourself. That is when perfection is achieved. It is achieved when you hit the bottom. When you realize that perfection is not when there is nothing left to add, but nothing left to take away.

For This I Believe

If you can't sleep, then get up and do something instead of lying there and worrying. It's the worry that gets you, not the loss of sleep.

Dale Carnegie

It has been a tough week. A lot has happened this past week on the inside. Emotions fly and cloud the logical thought process. I have been able to let the smoke clear a little bit and clear my mind a little bit. One of the most significant scientist of enlightenment Georg Christoph Lichtenberg said “One’s first step into wisdom is to question everything-and one’s last is to come to terms with everything." So like I always say, wondering has had my mind wandering or vice versa and I have had a lot of question raised this week that I have finally come to terms with. Live life. You only have one chance at this…for this I believe. I can not help but include the first “This I Believe” interview in this blog. It is a little long but please take it all in.

NPR.org, April 4, 2005 · This essay aired circa 1954.
At the age of sixteen, many of my friends have already chosen a religion to follow (usually that of their parents), and are bound to it by many ties. I am still "freelancing" in religion, searching for beliefs to guide me when I am an adult. I fear I shall always be searching, never attaining ultimate satisfaction, for I possess that blessing and curse -- a doubting, questioning mind.
At present, my doubting spirit has found comfort in certain ideas, gleaned from books and experience, to form a personal philosophy. I find that this philosophy, a code consisting of a few phrases, supplements, but does not replace, religion.
The one rule that could serve anyone in almost any situation is, "To see what must be done and not to do it, is a crime." Urged on by this, I volunteer for distasteful tasks or pick up scrap paper from the floor. I am no longer able to ignore duty without feeling guilty. This is "The still, small voice," to be sure, but sharpened by my own discernment of duty.
"The difficult we do at once, the impossible takes a little longer." This is the motto of a potential scientist, already struggling to unravel the mysteries of life. It rings with the optimism youth needs in order to stand up against trouble or failure.
Jonathan Edwards, a Puritan minister, resolved never to do anything out of revenge. I am a modern, a member of a church far removed from Puritanism, yet I have accepted this resolution. Since revenge and retaliation seem to have been accepted by nations today, I sometimes have difficulty reconciling my moral convictions with the tangled world being handed down to us by the adults. Apparently what I must do to make life more endurable is to follow my principles, with the hope that enough of this feeling will rub off on my associates to being a chain reaction.
To a thinking person, such resolutions are very valuable; nevertheless, they often leave a vacuum in the soul. Churches are trying to fill this vacuum, each by its own method. During this year, I have visited churches ranging from orthodoxy to extreme liberalism. In my search for a personal faith, I consider it my duty to expose myself to all forms of religion. Each church has left something within me - either a new concept of God and man, or an understanding and respect for those of other beliefs. I have found such experiences with other religions the best means for freeing myself from prejudices.
Through my visits, the reasoning of fundamentalists has become clearer to me, but I am still unable to accept it. I have a simple faith in the Deity and a hope that my attempts to live a decent life are pleasing to Him. If I were to discover that there is no afterlife, my motive for moral living would not be destroyed. I have enough of the philosopher in me to love righteousness for its own sake.
This is my youthful philosophy, a simple, liberal and optimistic feeling; though I fear I shall lose some of it as I become more adult. Already, the thought that the traditional thinkers might be right, after all, and I wrong, has made me waver. Still, these are my beliefs at sixteen. If I am mistaken, I am too young to realize my error. Sometimes, in a moment of mental despair, I think of the words, "God loves an honest doubter," and I am comforted.

I am comforted for my doubts in me and what I am supposed to be doing. That is ok. I should doubt in myself. I should not doubt in him, and I don’t! Take all you have learned and use it. Find someway to do it. No matter how or where, never forget as long as our mind allows us.

You Never Know

Courage-
Courage is a resistance to fear, mastery of fear- not absence of fear.
Mark Twain (1835-1910)

Miracles-
There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.
Albert Einstein

A story from Mountain Wings-
http://www.mountainwings.com/
I strongly suggest requesting their daily email. They are very relatable and mind opening.

A few years ago in downtown Denver, my friend, Scott, and I saw something tiny and insignificant that changed the world, but no one else even seemed to notice.

It was one of those beautiful Denver days. Crystal clear, no humidity, not a cloud in the sky. We decided to walk the ten blocks to an outdoor restaurant rather than take the shuttle bus that runs up and down the Sixteenth Street Mall. The restaurant, in the shape of a baseball diamond, was called The Blake Street Baseball Club. The tables were set appropriately on the grass infield. Many Colorful pennants and flags hung limply overhead.

As we sat outside, the sun continued to beat down on us and it became increasingly hot. There wasn't a hint of a breeze, and heat radiated up from the tabletop. Nothing moved, except the waiters, of course. And they didn't move very fast either.

After lunch, Scott and I started to walk back up the mall. We both noticed a mother and her young daughter walking out of a card shop toward the street. She was holding her daughter by the hand while reading a greeting card. It was immediately apparent to us that she was so engrossed in the card that she did not notice a shuttle bus moving toward her at a good clip.
She and her daughter were one step away from disaster when Scott started to yell.
He hadn't even gotten a word out when a breeze blew the card out of her hand and over her shoulder. She spun around and grabbed at the card, nearly knocking her daughter over. By the time she picked up the card from the ground and turned back around to cross the street, the shuttle bus had whizzed by her. She never even knew what almost happened.

To this day, two things continue to perplex me about this event:
Where did that one spurt of wind come from to blow the card out of that young mother's hand? There had not been a whisper of wind at lunch or during our long walk back up the mall.
Secondly, if Scott had been able to get his words out, the young mother might have looked up at us as they continued to walk into the bus.

It was the wind that made her turn back to the card in the one direction that saved her life and that of her daughter. The passing bus did not create the wind. On the contrary, the wind came from the opposite direction. I have no doubt it was a breath from God protecting them both.

But the awesomeness of this miracle is that she never knew. As we continued back to work, I wondered how God often acts in our lives without our being aware. The difference between life and death can very well be a little thing.

What a cool story huh? The hand of God must be involved with every part of life. Whether it is good or bad. You never know is the point. You have to sit back and reflect on the little things that happened to see God’s will in your life.

Yesterday started out slowly. I laid around for pretty much all of the day. Little did I know I was going to have a mountain wings moment. Around 6pm or so, I got a real sudden urge to get up and get some food as well as feed the dogs. I knew the following day I was going to take Angie’s car in to get worked on. All her wheels need alignment as well as needing 4 new tires. It has needed this for quite some time now.
Bare with me here while I go through this.
Well, I was really bummy looking. I was in a beat up old wife beater shirt and some jeans. I did not have a t-shirt to put on but did not care because I was only going to go through a drive-thru anyway. Being that I didn’t have any nice clothes on, I looked at the floor and saw 2 sets of shoes. A nice white pair of Reeboks, and a pair of old lawn shoes I only wear when doing work outside. For some reason I decided to put the work shoes on. I never wear the work shoes, well I rarely wear them.
I go outside and get into my car and think, you know what, I am going take my time tonight and fill up the air in her tire so I can be ready to take it to the repair shop tomorrow. So I get out of my car, go inside and get her keys. I click the alarm and noticed it was not working which indicated the battery was dead. I have not started it since I parked it a month ago. Stupid me. I knew better. I didn’t know this but apparently there is a lock feature on Toyota’s that won’t let you take it out of park without any power. This meant I could not jump the car because the car was parked where I could not reach the battery and I could not roll it to my car because of the lock feature. Low and behold it started raining. Just my luck. I was about to say screw it and leave it because I was now more frustrated. I would have waited until the next day when it was not raining and dark and cold. But I was wearing my work shoes.
So I opened the gates to both sides of her house and was able to squeeze my car in the backyard allowing me to get the cars hood to hood and provide a jump. This all started out just because I had a flat tire that needed air so I could take it to the dealership the next day.
The car started up and I was able to drive it very slowly with a flat tire all the way to a gas station that I have never been to before. I wondered for a minute or two before leaving the house where the nearest gas station was with an air hose. The last 3 places I have been to the hoses were broken. Yea, I get flat tires a lot. Somehow I ended up at a new gas station. Now normally they are only fifty cents for air, but for some reason I grabbed 75 cents this time out of my car before leaving instead of the usual 50 cents. You guessed it; the pump was seventy five cents. If I did not grab the correct amount I would have left to search for another place to fill up the tire. So, I got out and started filling up the air, in the freaking rain. I get back into the car ready to go, and no power. Oh I am upset now. I just sat there for a second and laughed and said a small little “please lord” prayer. I get back out of my car to get the cables from her trunk and find someone to give me a jump when I saw a bunch of black folks causing a commotion. I heard a lady say “His car is on fire, someone help him.” Over about 15 feet from the gas pumps stood a black guy working underneath the hood of a blazing old Lincoln Continental. I mean a beat up, old piece of junk with flames shooting out about 4 feet high. I immediately walked in the store and grabbed the fire extinguisher on the wall while listening to the clerk say to someone else “Sorry, we do not have an extinguisher.” I just thought to myself, dummy and walked on by.
It was really weird though. I was walking so slowly and really calm. Almost like I knew what I was doing and what needed to be done. I didn’t run, I was so calm. I walked out of the store by this guy who was staring at me the whole time. He gave me a little nod like what a brave guy when I walked by. I slowly walked over to the car and told the man to stand back. It could have blown up. I could have died. He could have died. The gas pumps were right there also. Maybe he was crazy or something.
The entire carburetor had flames shooting out about 5 feet now. I was scared. This car had been burning for probably 3 minutes now. How many times on the tv show maximum exposure have I seen cars blow up from this kind of thing. And here I was standing five feet from a car made out of some serious metal. It was a huge, rusty piece of junk. So in all honesty, I was very afraid.
I pulled the pin and shot a fire extinguisher for the first time. It is as fun as it looks. It did not last as long as I hoped though. The fire did not go out all the way but it became really small just in time for the fire truck to show up. I walked away without a word, returned the extinguisher in the store and found someone to give me a jump. Nobody said a word to me. Almost like I was not there. It felt really weird, dreamlike. Then I sat in my car, and had the whole night of events just hit me like a wall of bricks.
Now, I was just going to get in my car and go to McDonalds. If that would have happened, what then? But I put on my junky shoes, had a dead car that I should have started a couple of times prior and knew that it needed to be started often, a flat tire, some stupid car shift locking feature, grabbed more money than I normally grab, and had a dead car again! All these things set me up to be at the gas station and stay there just in the right amount of time. What a miracle.
Somehow I got a chance to reflect on the things the devil tried to do and how God just made his will happen. A mountain wings moment.
It was not raining when I left the house. It started when I saw the car would not start. The fire extinguisher was right there and because the clerk did not care to even look, no one would have grabbed it. Damn devil tried everything to stop folks from doing good things. I can sit back and recount how many times I almost said screw it. But if I didn’t do all these little things, then something much worse might have happened. What a crazy experience.
So I ended up going to McDonalds and got some food afterwards. I also went to blockbuster and rented Crash. Now that movie makes you think. It was the perfect movie on top of my experience that I just had. It made me think how everything in this life is somehow tied together. It also made me think, what would Angie do if I got near that car and it blew up and I had died or whatever, like the lady in the crash near the end. The couple never even knew the 2 instances that happened to each other that day. They both could have died. That would have sucked. I love her and hope she never has to deal with that.
A strange series of events that all intertwine if you are open minded enough to as I say, "Recognize, Realize, and Analyze".
I think we all can find a character in that movie we can relate to a little. I related to the black detective who never lets people in to his mind and emotions. He puts up a shield because of his mothers' addiction to heroin. My mother may not be addicted to a drug as bad, but alcohol and pain pills are pretty bad. So I have a very similar problem as him. I do not let people in too close. I do not expose that much emotion because, well, I do not know why. I end up holding it in and letting it out when I am alone. What a movie.

I Sing Because I’m Happy, I Sing Because I’m Free!

Because you are in control of your life. Don’t ever forget that. You are what you are because of the conscious and subconscious choices you have made.
Barbara Hall,

What a wonderful world we live in. Yes, I have some disgust in the abuse of our freedom, but isn’t our country wonderful? The freedoms and choices are in our abilities and desires. Reading below, you learn anyone has the ability to do anything if they set their mind to it. If Stephen Hawking who has one of the worst cases of Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis along with Motor Neurone Disease and can talk because of a machine and a desire to, I can do anything if I have a big enough “why”.
I recently came back from a trip to San Antonio, TX. I went out there for 2 reasons. One, because of the Worldwide Talent Competition that takes place and two, to finally meet some people who are in a company I am associated with. The competition was good. Well, it was ok, the talent was not really the best I have seen in the past few years but the week was fun. Rodney and I had a good time together playing jokes and just plain ole' messin' with some people who want to be a part of Tops in Blue more than anything in the world. It is funny how much ass kissing and sucking up that happens during this week. Not all the contestants are like this but you can tell who need it more than anything else in the world. Not to belittle the TIB or the contestants at all. It is motivating to see this much drive for the week but sometimes it is just funny see some of the ass kissing that takes place. But, I had a good time there laughing at/with people and confusing everyone. The second part of my trip was focused on this business I am in called Usana. Usana is an incredible network marketing company that is doing so much for people’s livelihood. I am in Warner Robins, Ga. away from the people doing this everyday and it is hard to see the impact it is having. But I listened to a doctor talk about how this supplement is improving the cells in his body. It all started out by this guy running up on stage holding a chair out in his left hand. He said he has a seat. Everyone was looking like ok…and? Well it turned out about a year ago this guy got into a bad accident and could not use his left arm to start the car and tried a bunch of things to get the strength back. A friend introduced him to Usana’s Proflavanol 90 which helps in the reproduction of cells in the bones and joints. I am no scientist nor do I know how it works, but it was exciting to hear this guy talk about his story and how it helped him. I have heard lots of stories about how this product has helped people but due to my location out here have not been able to put the face on them. I met a lady who is now off of the insulin pump due to Usana. I am excited about this company once again. I am half way towards a solid $60,000 residual income. Can you believe that? I have not done anything yet and I can make 60 g’s a year. I just to need find one person like my good friend Rodney and let him go to work for me.
So my trip to San Antonio was fun and informative. I had a good time there.

Change Your Thoughts and You Change Your World

There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered.
Nelson Mandela (1918- )


Every person in the military has experienced this feeling atleast once. It really depends on the person whether they determine the outlook to be positive or negative. I guess everything in life depends on the individual’s perspective. Every member of the military had to at one point leave their lives, whether it wass to join and go off to basic military training (boot camp to you non-military folk) or deploy for an extended period of time. At some point in time you will probably return. God bless the heroic who sacrificed their lives for my freedom. But the majority has returned at some point. Now, leaving for basic was exciting for me. I was looking forward to the challenge. It turned out to be like everything else I do, a piece of cake that I did not have to work hard at. Maybe I should join the Marines for the challenge. I have thought about it. When I returned I noticed how much I changed. I grew a lot, and I noticed all around me the state of mind as well as living my friends were stuck in. They were sucked into this lifestyle that would be very hard to get out of. So in a sense, I had a negative outlook on returning to the place that remained unchanged. I have changed for the better at least. It is hard to look at your friends though and know the lifestyle they are conformed to. I still have my lifestyle tendencies too. But, every time I go home I pray that some drastic change has occurred. Maybe next time.
Then there are those places you go that will never change. The memories will always stay the same. I guess never is a little long to say, I have not lived long enough for everything to change. I sure love the things that bring happiness to me that have not changed yet though. Like the smell of your fathers garage. The oil and gasoline produces this indescribable scent. It takes me back to the days of my youth. I guess they are right when they say scent has the most direct connection with memory. I sure love the smell of fresh cut grass or the smell of the exhaust from that old beat up 1973 Cutlass Ciera. I took many trips with a friend to basketball games in that car. Is that why dogs are such great loyal animals? Because they smell so well? They must remember everything.
With so much life ahead of me, there should not be anything to get upset about. I have the ability to make my future the way God allows me to. Being upset about the things that are out of my control like the change of good memories that I once had should not upset me. At least I had those memories to think about. I am grateful for the things I have done. I have been to 3 continents and seen 20 plus countries, 49 states, all but Maine,
swam in 3 oceans of the world, (1 more to go)
driven through giant sequoia trees,









gazed at the Swedish Alps,








Walked the redlight district in Amsterdamn,







hugged Mickey Mouse dozens of times,








swam with manatees,







admired the intricate detail inside the Vatican,













seen a Hawaiian sunset,








carried a giant stuffed gorilla to the top of the Empire State Building,
stood face to face with a baby moose at a friends house in Alaska,










saw the only place in the world where 3 glaciers connect, Thule, Greenland,








rode in a confiscated Taliban minivan in Bagram, Afghanistan,
walked the streets of the oldest city in America, St. Augustine, Florida,












stood on the southern most point in America, this booey in Keywest, Florida












driven across the longest bridge in the world, 23.9 miles, The Lake Pontchartrain Causeway, La,









experience the enormous power of Niagara Falls and nearly froze to death on Thanksgiving,












toured a buddhist Temple in Okinawa, Japan,








ate at the largest McDonald’s in the world located in Vinita, Oklahoma,







visited the mountain masterpiece, Mt. Rushmore, South Dakota,









hung out at a geo-thermal spring , Iceland,








stood under the Leaning Tower of Pisa,












shopped in the streets of Ankara, Turkey,












crossed the English Channel and saw the White Cliffs of Dover,








and watched Les Miserables in London.









These are just a few of the wonderful experiences that will never change in my memory. I have a lot of life experiences. Many people never even leave their hometowns. It is unfortunate I think, but who am I to judge what their dreams are. So things change or we change. That is certain and inevitable. No matter what the change is, try and make the outlook a positive one.

I Spy Something Disappointing

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it.

-Bernard Bailer

What a strange way of thinking. To be so conceited that no one is better than you. What a dreadful doom. No icons, no role models, no idols, and virtually no inspiration. I watched a program on E yesterday that made me think of America’s fame and fortune. Today so many young people are famous and are in the light for our even younger youth. Paris Hilton or Brittany Spears for instance. Could you imagine your daughter acting like these girls? I would be so ashamed. America’s children thinking it is necessary to be slutty to be cool, now that's gratuitous.
What happened to the Dick Van Dykes’ and Lucille Balls’ of the world? Just happy, good humored, well mannered men and woman that entertained the masses. Problems existed then as they always will, but people handled themselves in a more professional, mature manner. I did not live during this time, so I am not an expert by any means. Just watching the shows that existed and knowing these people were the models of America, I can only imagine what life was like. Family values and a classy image. Men wore suits and hats. They would lay their coat in the puddle for a lady crossing the street. Woman smiled at you crossing paths on the sidewalk because they didn’t think the man was hitting on them. Girls, let me tell you, it is ok to smile back. Just keep walking.
The parents of the fifties were right. Rock and Roll was the devil. It has tainted our pop culture to trash. There is no longer any discretion or discreetness. People will curse you in the drop of a hat. Most children do not find appreciation for the things children back then were forced to. Again, I am not a doctor or an expert. I am just trying to describe what has transpired to me. It only makes sense. The world is too fast. I enjoy some of the things that have come out of the information age, but I would hate to miss that 12 hour drive as a family through the Smoky Mountains and seeing the herds of deer on the side of the roads because I had a DVD player in the car and wanted to watch that movie I have seen 13 times. Singing road songs or playing “I spy” or the license plate game. Those are the times you remember. Those are things that matter when you are old. Can you imagine in forty years telling the story of that road trip you went on. Will you remember the movie you watched or would you remember coming close to death on a 7 thousand foot mountain without any guard rails and your uncle driving like a maniac trying to scare us kids. Do you remember that Sara? Do you remember vomiting way up there? I do. I am sorry you did, but I will never forget it.
All I am saying is, we the people need to give a long look at where we are headed. There is nothing wrong with progress, but let’s not lose our values that made us the greatest, strongest country in the world. We can not just drug our youth into a haze either. Children are children. Let little boys act the way little boys do. We know girls learn in a school environment better than boys. We are a different kind of being. So why not adapt the system to the best way they are able to learn? Naaah, nevermind, just give him a pill and he will be fine.

I've learned that you can't have everything and do everything at the same time

Bore, N: A Person who talks when you wish him to listen.
Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914)

For the past few days I have written about my thoughts and feelings. I have many more but am a little wiped out with writing. Sometimes you just have to read and listen to not be boring. So I do not have anything deep our well thought out to say today. If I write too much this time, it will be boring.
I used to try and learn something new every single day. I know I am learning every day but I have not spent the time to really reflect on my lessons as much as I used to when I was younger. I don’t know if it is the location I am in or what. I just am not doing anything new that has broadened my horizons. It is my own fault, but I have been a lazy thinker this past year and I take all the blame.
Yesterday was my friends Tim’s birthday and we spent it as I said at Chevy’s. We both ended up at the final table but finished in 8th and 9th place. It was a decent day of playing. Once again people calling b.s. hands with nothing and getting lucky. It steals the joy of real good thought out poker. I guess once something is commercialized it kinda throws it out the window. We had a decent time. Not anything worth talking about for a man’s birthday. What happened to the days were your parents would call all your school friends and surprise you with a big celebration? Don’t take this wrong, but I wish I could be 4 again. All I would have to worry about is colors and candy. No girlfriend issues, no responsibilities, no obligation other than eating your vegetables. Just good lazy living. AHHHH, snap out of it. I don’t want to be lazy. I have too much to do today.

What Worries You, Masters You

Life wouldn’t be worth living if I worried over the future as well as the present.
-W. Somerset Maugham (1874-1965)

Is it something we can control? Both worry and future? Well, I can not control the future as much as I can control my mind from worrying. Although they are somewhat intertwined. When is the future? Here it comes…wait…here, now grab it! Oh man, did you see it? If I spent every minute worrying about what my future holds then I have pretty much spent my life in waste. You know the line, “Life is but a series of moments, Karpe Diem, seize the day.” In life, the future is inevitable whether you are staring down the grill of a Mack truck barreling towards you with your back to a brick wall or in complete oneness with the world achieving nirvana. It is coming, the future that is. There is nothing you can do about it. There is nothing you can do about it by worrying either. It is inevitable. Although I would rather be a buddhist in nirvana than a man with that slim chance of survival after a truck smashes him to death without God in my life. The point is faith and peace through God is the only thing that can control both your worries and your future (not to mention heroin for a moment may help, but that is just a moment). Whether it is Buddha or Isis, Chrishna or Jehovah and Christ. (Chrishna is a hindu god that has an incredible amount of similarities to Jesus. You can read about them here. http://www.infidels.org/library/historical/kersey_graves/16/chap32.html)
What is strange about the divine is that a lot of gods in the world have an enormous amount of similiar traits. If you would like to read about all the gods in the world, here is a good start.

http://www.godchecker.com/pantheon/egyptian-mythology.php?_gods-list
The problem is, mankind is too stubborn and smart for their own good. Good being God for their future but because we are not able to embrace the true purpose of God in giving, loving and living life for what it is meant to be. We worry and think our good will is enough for life. It could be if you were mentally handicapped. The more I look though, the more I see mentally handicapped people embracing the very existence of God than us normal people. And to add to that, they are the most giving, caring people in the world. Why do we have to be smart? Was Adam retarded? Why can’t we all be retarded? Maybe we would be peaceful and caring, understanding and faithful. I do not know. In every one of my blogs I have said that statement. “I do not know”. I don’t, and I am not going to worry about knowing either. He has a plan and my future is at his/her/its will to make happen.
But I do have one final thought though. On my way to work today, I was pondering the possibilities of reincarnation with every human on Earth. In 1950 the world population was roughly 2.5 billion people and today is approximately 6.5 billion. You can check the numbers in full detail here if you would like to.
http://www.census.gov/ipc/www/world.html
Now if reincarnation only exists within humans (I know some think it exists within all species) then where are all these souls coming from with the growth of population? I was just curious.